


Said The Sea To The Shore, Don't Leave Me Here Alone

by Lyoung_50



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Feels, Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hallucinations, M/M, Parabatai Feels, Post-Break Up, fics I write in a marathon then don't edit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 14:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18625054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyoung_50/pseuds/Lyoung_50
Summary: He couldn’t bear to see the little pieces of Magnus that clung to his life like limpets on a wave-worn rock in the ocean. An eyeliner pencil here, a silk scarf draped over a chair there. The gleam of the ring box sitting on his nightstand with his family ring nestled in the soft velvet as if there was not a thing wrong in the entire world.No, that wouldn’t do. Instead, he was gearing up to head out with Jace to try to find Clary (again) before she and Jonathan did something immensely stupid with this new found evil streak. The only trouble was that he couldn’t seem to uncurl his white-knuckle grip on the sink enough to actually splash water on his heated face like he’d intended.





	Said The Sea To The Shore, Don't Leave Me Here Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, I wrote this in like...an hour and a half total, didn't reread it and didn't edit it. I had this idea in my head (loosely based off of a Supernatural scene) and it kind of ran away from there. Asmodeus wasn't originally supposed to be in this...I'm always open to honest feedback. Let me know what you think it needs!

“I’m fine. It’s fine.” Alec was murmuring the words at the reflection in the mirror staring back at him. His blue eyes were hazed and clouded in a way that he had not seen them before that moment. They were usually clear. Ethereal. That was the word that Magnus always used for his eyes.  


No, that was not a trail of thought that he needed to venture down. Magnus. He hadn’t seen the warlock since the night in Maryse’s shop where he’d watched the love of his life crumble under his own hands.  


He’d been keeping himself busy, of course. Clary and Jace had their issues abound for him to try to solve. It had been enough. Enough to keep him pushing forward and enough to keep him from sitting in his room and staring at the bed where he’d seen Magnus drooling onto his pillow what seemed like an eternity ago.  


He couldn’t bear to see the little pieces of Magnus that clung to his life like limpets on a wave-worn rock in the ocean. An eyeliner pencil here, a silk scarf draped over a chair there. The gleam of the ring box sitting on his nightstand with his family ring nestled in the soft velvet as if there was not a thing wrong in the entire world.  


No, that wouldn’t do. Instead, he was gearing up to head out with Jace to try to find Clary (again) before she and Jonathan did something immensely stupid with this new found evil streak. The only trouble was that he couldn’t seem to uncurl his white-knuckle grip on the sink enough to actually splash water on his heated face as he’d intended.  


Instead, he clutched onto it like his life depended on it, his hands beginning a slow shake and sweat beading on his hairline.  


“I’m fine.” He rasped out again, the words almost catching in his throat like his body knew they weren’t true. “It’s going to be fine. He’s going to be fine.” That was the real selling point, wasn’t it? Magnus was going to be fine. He probably had his magic back and was halfway through planning a glorious downworlder party to celebrate the return of it.  


“Alec, c’mon, man. We have to hurry before we lose track of Clary again.” Jace’s voice was muffled through the bathroom door and he barely heard it over the splash of the water running in the sink in front of him.  


“Yeah, I’m...just gimme a second, I’ll meet you in the briefing room.” His voice sounded strange to his own ears and panic clutched at him as he waited for Jace’s response. This was his parabati. His brother. If someone was going to call him out on not being okay, it was more than likely going to be Jace.  


“Alright, well hurry it up. You don’t have to look your best to chase them down with me.” Alec exhaled in relief and finally willed his hands to uncurl from the sink when he heard heavy boots leaving his room.  


His fingers trembled violently under the ice cold stream of water, but he forced them into a cup and splashed the water across his face. The shock of cold had him inhaling instinctively and he spluttered when some of the water made its way into his nose. He groped blindly for the towel that he kept on the vanity and scrubbed at his face probably a bit too harshly.  


When he lifted his head again, it was not his face staring back at him. Instead, it was the tear-tracked face of Magnus, his hair artfully tousled and his makeup was flawlessly covering his skin. There was a soft smile playing on Magnus’ lips and Alec vividly remembered when this was.  


This was the night that they’d come back from Rome. Alec has said he wanted Italian for dinner and Magnus, of course, had conjured a portal for them, insisting that he knew the perfect little restaurant and he could just them the best table in the joint.  


“Stop it.” Alec squeaked out, but he didn’t tear his gaze from the glass. He blinked tears away from his eyes furiously.  


When his vision cleared he was staring at Magnus’ pink-tinged spikes, glitter-rimmed eyes and stunning lack of facial hair. Fuck. The wedding. His wedding. To Lydia. The night that he’d made the most important decision of his young life. Choosing Magnus had been simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing that he’d ever done. However, once he’d chosen him he knew that there was no other decision that he could have made. Magnus was the only decision for him.  


“Please,” He whimpered, not even caring how pathetic he sounded. It was just him and his mirror after all. “God, Magnus, I….I know that you’re happy and that you’ve got your magic, but I miss you. I miss you so much and it’s killing me.” The Magnus in the mirror sported a frown, his manicured hand coming up to rest on the glass. Alec instinctively covered it with his own.  


“Oh, my Alec. You’ve been so sad.” He whispered mournfully. Alec could only nod through a hiccuped attempt to swallow the sob in his chest. “You did what you had to do, didn’t you? To save me? What kind of life could we have had, truly? I was miserable, Alec. There was nothing else you could have done. Would you really want to watch me suffer through life with you, pretending to be happy?”  


Alec’s heart clenched in his chest and he eyed the mirror skeptically. This wasn’t Magnus. Magnus would never say these things to him. At least he wouldn’t have said it before Alec broke his heart.  


“Break his heart to save his life.” Asmodeus’ face took over the mirror and something roared to life in rage in Alec. He felt his muscles tense, his hand instinctively going to the spot on his thigh that normally held his seraph blade. When he came up empty handed, his hands balled into fists.  


“You son of a bitch.” He snarled, his lip curled back over his teeth. Asmodeus’ grin was slow and menacing.  


“Oh, come now. Is that any way to greet your almost father-in-law? I know that it won’t be official now, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a wonderful relationship, Alexander.”  


“Do not call me that.” Alec’s stomach flipped violently in rage.  


“My son seems to think that it’s what you like to be called. He’s been waxing poetic about his precious Alexander for so long that I feel as though I know you. It’s getting to be rather pathetic, honestly. I’ve tried everything I can to help him move on from how completely and utterly you’ve destroyed him.”  


“You destroyed him. You are the one that made me break up with him.”  


“And yet, even with his magic he’s still so shattered that I’ve convinced him to come to rule Edom with me.” The demon smirked again and Alec’s jaw dropped. “I thought that you may like to see him one last time before we leave this dimension. The next time you see my son, he will be seated in a throne at my right hand, and our legions will be exterminating your pathetic race.”  


“Magnus would never agree to this. You’re lying.”  


“Perhaps he wouldn’t have when he had his rock. His Alec. Now he has nothing except me. I’m all he has left in the world. What’s he got to lose? Nothing. Is it so difficult to believe that my boy, the son of a greater demon, would revert so easily to his demonic impulses?”  


“N….no, he can’t…” Alec stammered, worry painted across his face.  


“Don’t be such a naive child, Alexander. My son is going to lead the downfall of the shadowhunters and every other race of downworlder. And when this institute and the Clave are nothing but burning rubble and dead bodies, the world will know that their blood is on your hands, Alec Lightwood.”  


Before Alec could respond, it was just his face looking back at him from the mirror again. He didn’t quite look like himself though. There was fear and anguish written across his features, his blue eyes were glistening with tears and his bottom lip was quivering uncontrollably.  


He’d done this. He had no one but himself to blame for the fact that Magnus was miserable enough to actually go back to his father. He should have known better. He should have found another way. But he didn’t.  


The thought made acrid bile creep over the back of his tongue and he felt rage starting to curl low in his chest, his heart beginning to pound against his ribcage and his limbs were starting to tingle with heat. He stared at himself, his mind repeating you did this on a loop until he finally couldn’t take it. The glass shattered easily under his fist, raining down on the vanity and into the sink.  


The first blow was easy and the ones that followed just flowed like water. He punched the glass until his knuckles were spraying blood across the marble vanity and the mirror had nothing left. But, that wasn’t enough. Before he could even comprehend what he was doing, Alec’s hands were ripping the towel rack from the wall and burying the metal into the drywall beside his shower.  


He didn’t realize that there were ragged screams tearing from his throat until they began to break from exerting his voice. Hot, angry tears streamed down his face and dropped onto his shirt with each jerky movement of his body.  


“Alec! Open the door, Alec! C'mon, let me in!” Jace’s voice, frantic and pleading, came through the door, trying to fight through the haze in his mind but he couldn't stop. His parabati’s fist pounded on the wood of the door repeatedly, but Alec couldn’t stop. He couldn’t. His fists drove into the wall repeatedly and he screamed Magnus’ name until his throat was raw and bleeding.  


Alec’s muscles were screaming at him by the time Jace broke through the bathroom door and his arms immediately went around Alec, pinning his arms at his sides so he couldn’t throw more punches.  


“Alec, please stop...I’ve got you.” Jace’s voice was grounding and solid and it had him fighting back through the haze, but it couldn’t stop the ragged sobs that racked his body as he collapsed against Jace’s chest. His blood stained fingers curled into the front of Jace’s shirt, staining the fabric as he turned enough to clutch the other man and bury his head into his shoulder. “It’s alright...it’s okay, Alec. I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Jace's hands curled around him, one rubbing circles over the runes on his back and the other stroking soothingly through his hair like Alec remembered doing so many times when Jace had woken up with nightmares when they'd been younger.  


“I’m not okay.” Alec whispered with a wet sob against the curve of Jace’s shoulder. Some strange part of his brain made a mental note to wash Jace’s shirt since he was making quite the mess of it. “He’s gone. I let him go. He’s got his magic back, and he’s still miserable. He’s going to Edom. And it’s my fault.” Jace’s hand that had been carding through his hair stopped.  


“What do you mean he’s going to Edom? How do you know that?”  


“Asmodeus. He told me. I saw him...in the mirror.” Alec braced himself for skepticism and confusion. Instead, Jace just leaned back enough to look Alec in the eye with a determined set to his jaw.  


“Then we’re going to stop him from making a stupid mistake.”  


“But, Clary--.”  


“We can find her when we have Magnus. He’ll help. I can’t keep watching you like this, Alec. I love you too much to watch you suffering like this when we can do something about it. What do you say?” Alec was silent for a long moment, weighing the options before he gave a determined nod and staggered to his feet, hauling Jace up with him.  


“Fuck it. Let’s go to Edom and kick Asmodeus back to the pit he belongs in.”


End file.
